What would the English language be without homonyms or heteronyms? A lot simpler, that’s for sure. English is a difficult language to master. I’ve been speaking it for 27 years now and I still don’t have it down perfectly. Fortunately there are many people who speak my language who insist on changing it, or at the very least, abusing it out of shape.

Let me demonstrate with an improper sentence of homonyms: words that have the same pronunciation but different meanings and spellings.

Eye road two the store awn my hoarse and bought sum food, witch aye eight later that knight.

I’m all for condom use. Let me say that up front. But have you seen this Trojan “evolve” TV ad with the pigs? Yes it’s clever, but something about it doesn’t sit well with me. Every time I see it I just get irked. Perhaps it’s the message that all men are portrayed as pigs. Only after a pig purchases a Trojan condom does he turn into a man, suddenly becoming attractive to the woman at the bar. Plus obviously none of the women are interested in these pigs in the first place, so what should be the impetus for one of them to even buy a condom? Is he delusional?

If the chef burns her turkey, I’ve heard
That the diners should not say a word.
Yet if fam’ly complains
‘Bout the smoking remains,
She should certainly give them the bird!

This is what I did yesterday morning:

http://www.denverpost.com/ci_7494275
http://www.cbs4denver.com/video/?id=36557@kcnc.dayport.com
[http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/14627340/detail.html

Many know how to use a computer but few know how to truly utilize a computer.

farticulate: to punctuate or otherwise communicate through flatulance.

Example: “I don’t care if the ancient whoevers did it, you are not allowed to farticulate during dessert.”

You know you’ve left your bread in the sun too long when you open the bag and it smells more like wine than wheat.

The more I learn, the less I know, but the more I believe.