No, I’m not okay. I can’t focus right now. I hurt too much. I know I owe work my full attention when I’m at work, but today is just a very bad day for that. And to be quite honest, I don’t want to see “happy” in front of me either, so if you’re in a good mood, don’t try to rub it off on me. I may just take you down with me. Romantic love is stupid and it sucks. I’m tired of Hollywood trailers, billboard ads, and everything else telling me what my life should be.
This still sucks. I don’t know how she is. I don’t even know where she is. I haven’t seen her, I haven’t heard from her, I haven’t received any form of communication from her in more than what normally should be a reasonable interval. Is she all right? Is she laying in a ditch somewhere? Was she in an accident? I don’t know.
This is not how things should be. I’m not good at this kind of limbo.
Yet this is what I said I would do and I am a man of my word. I simply must trust that she is okay, even without hearing it directly.
Jesse Eisenberg gives a really solid performance. He’s the guy you love to hate while you simultaneously feel sorry for him. The rest of the film was also well-cast. Justin Timberlake plays a convincingly smooth-talking pseudo-psycopath; Bryan Barter rounds out the male leads as the jilted ex-best friend and one of the more relatable, grounded characters. The film is many things, one of which is an examination of the patho-personality and psychology behind nature of our society’s idealized success fantasy.
There was an abundance of high-level techie talk in the beginning of the film, and some very fast-paced conversation between the characters. I had this thought about Aaron Sorkin’s dialogue on the drive home: Sorkin uses his dialogue to convince us that he’s brilliant when I think instead he could use it to convince us that the character’s brilliant (thereby scaling it back ever-so-slightly). Don’t get me wrong, I think Sorkin’s a brilliant writer. I’m a fan of Sports Night, The West Wing, and Studio 60. I just think it’s a bit much for some people to take sometimes. The film calmed down later. Or was that just me adapting to the pace? I’m sure the excellent direction by David Fincher had something to do with it, who manages a very good performance out of Eisenberg and the rest of the cast.
This very clearly stared me down on the way to Grey Gardens callbacks. Yes, it’s a sign. But is it a Sign?
Just like Doc and Marty, I’m doing a little science experiment of my own. It could also end in a spectacular exploding train wreck. I’m going to try integrating my blog, Twitter, and Facebook. These things should happen:
Life is tough where I am now.
Nobody calls, the phone sits still.
I pretend to go about business
To which I sentenced myself long ago.
But I want to sleep
And cry.
No one can touch my heart,
It is cold and aches
When others approach.
Still sits the phone, calls nobody.
Now am I where tough is life.Nothing to see here, folks. Move along. Go about your business.
However, I am seriously considering getting a better home router since my Linksys went on the fritz for half a day yesterday. I upgraded the firmware, so maybe that will help. Hmm… methinks Sonicwall, perhaps?
I miss her greatly today.
I want to hear her voice again, see her smile, feel her touch.
I thought I would be all right.
But I was wrong.
I distract my self with anything – everything I can think of. But the emptiness is still there, shouting through the din, slowly devouring me with its silent pain. Always.
Always.
A huge part of my heart is missing.