No, I’m not okay. I can’t focus right now. I hurt too much. I know I owe work my full attention when I’m at work, but today is just a very bad day for that. And to be quite honest, I don’t want to see “happy” in front of me either, so if you’re in a good mood, don’t try to rub it off on me. I may just take you down with me. Romantic love is stupid and it sucks. I’m tired of Hollywood trailers, billboard ads, and everything else telling me what my life should be.
There’s a sad mix of songs playing in the soundtrack of my mind:
“When She Loved Me” from Toy Story 2
“I’ll Be Seeing You)” from Right This Way (I didn’t know that)
“Drift Away” from Grey Gardens
“The Next Ten Minutes” from The Last Five Years
“Not A Day Goes By” from Merrily We Roll Along
The decision is mutual. We both hurt a great deal right now. With all growth must come pain. In time the pain will lessen, but it will never completely disappear. As is natural, without constant contact we will slowly and graciously fade from each other’s consciousness. Were we meant to be, it will happen – as fatalistic as that sounds. We may yet find each other again. But the best thing in this moment is to diverge our paths in order to find our own. Blah, blah, blah, insert platitude here.
It’s sad that all we have in this life are moments. Time forces us onward past where we’d care to stay and linger. We cannot live in moments past. We can only experience the present moments. Unfortunately this is a present moment that I’d care neither to experience nor relive.
I will miss so much about her that I can’t possibly begin to describe it here. I will always love her. There will never be another like her. Ever. Anywhere. I can only hope that someday soon she finds her way back to me. :(