“Actors have short attention spans.”

This was an observation related to me by the son of the producer of my last show.

Hello! Over here! Still typing!

Good. Now that I still have your attention, may I comment on this observation? No? Hello? Hello?! Please stop playing with your phone. Is the text message that urgent? Oh, it’s from your friend. I see. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Done? Good. Anyway, continuing on where I left… no, put the remote down. Yes, I realize my TV system is cool. I built it. It required focus and determination. And attention. Oh, I’m sorry, was I being sarcastic? … Oh, ok. I’m sorry. No, I really am.

Hello? It’s prerecorded - we can watch it later, ok?

Good. Now back to what I was saying. What I told [the kid] was that I think that while his perceptions may be skewed because it’s mostly actors who hang out at his house, I think his … oh, no, please. I can wait. Don’t send the call to voicemail or anything like that.

Yes, back to what we were talking about. …No, I don’t particularly care that your friend just got a new puppy and it’s “so cute.” I was talking about… yes, that’s a cute picture she sent you. … You just have to send it to your friend? Oh, your other friend. Yes. Go right ahead. I’ll wait.

No, use the menu to select from the address book…. Oh, ok. Good. You got it.

Yes, ok. Anyway. As I was saying….

On second thought… You know what? Forget about it.