“Actors have short attention spans.”

This was an observation related to me by the son of the producer of my last show.

Hello! Over here! Still typing!

Good. Now that I still have your attention, may I comment on this observation? No? Hello? Hello?! Please stop playing with your phone. Is the text message that urgent? Oh, it’s from your friend. I see. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

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Done? Good. Anyway, continuing on where I left… no, put the remote down. Yes, I realize my TV system is cool. I built it. It required focus and determination. And attention. Oh, I’m sorry, was I being sarcastic? … Oh, ok. I’m sorry. No, I really am.

Hello? It’s prerecorded - we can watch it later, ok?

Good. Now back to what I was saying. What I told [the kid] was that I think that while his perceptions may be skewed because it’s mostly actors who hang out at his house, I think his … oh, no, please. I can wait. Don’t send the call to voicemail or anything like that.

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Yes, back to what we were talking about. …No, I don’t particularly care that your friend just got a new puppy and it’s “so cute.” I was talking about… yes, that’s a cute picture she sent you. … You just have to send it to your friend? Oh, your other friend. Yes. Go right ahead. I’ll wait.

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No, use the menu to select from the address book…. Oh, ok. Good. You got it.

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Yes, ok. Anyway. As I was saying….

On second thought… You know what? Forget about it.